You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
