She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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