I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
