I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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