I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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