Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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