Whod you bang
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
