you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
