I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
