Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
