You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize