Whod you bang
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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