After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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