my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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