I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
