Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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