Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize