she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
party gras won. party gras always wins.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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