I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
