So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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