We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How naked do you want me to be?
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