He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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