I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
