She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
