She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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