I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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