is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
