You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Can I color on your dick again?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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