Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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