some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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