Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
