He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
