I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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