Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
