So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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