i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
