I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize