Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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