no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
