I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
3pm strippers are depressing
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
