I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
