I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
