I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
