I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize