brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
