Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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