I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
