There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
