Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
