My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We're too hungover to prance.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
