he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
