I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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