After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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