I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
