I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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