yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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