even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
