"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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