I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
they're like a gay fantastic four
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
