do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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