I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
