i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
