Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
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