Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
