I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He's a Shit stain on my heart
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
