it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
