That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
