it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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