As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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