I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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