I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
