Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
