I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
True strength comes from lack of pants
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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