I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
