How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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